August 2011
31 posts
104. CLEVER
Its the clever words, the clever combos, the clever moments. Those are what I cling to, what I remember, the rungs that lift me forward.
golden sustenance, little nuggets on this trail of love :o)
103. BEYOND GOOD INTENTIONS
Are promises made to be broken?
Sometimes its just not possibe to keep my word… not on purpose, simply circumstances roadblocked.
I mean well.
I try so hard.
I always have.
Isn’t everybody (in their own way) altruistic, then? Doesn’t everyone just do the best that they know how?
East Africa: no power, no water, hunger… or just being really, really tired to the point...
3 tags
102. MISSING
missing love
missing friends
missing being plugged-in….
in transit, warped and distorted watercolors of sensation dreams sounds images from back there…
let’s create some more love friends current, shall we? thank you Danny so much for this beautiful quote:
‘…I will treasure this day for it is all I have. I know its rushing hours cannot be accumulated or stored, like...
3 tags
101. RELEASE
this morning in bed, listening to the Ramadan calls for many hours, my head spun. spinning with junk gunk ick. i felt it! SO — here, today, on this stop of the journey:
I release my old ideas, my old ways of thinking, being
Like worn clothes…. I will gift them to the universe, they will be fertilizer for a new crop of love seedlings
I am not entirely making new rules; only...
100. GUILT
Glimpse of my past self, future self. Going through some old text messages, I saw an embarrassing moment of my own ego/shadow lashing out. Yikes. This is the path I am on. This is why I am here. This is my goal: to not act out ever again, to not be overcome by emotions and my shadow self. With the moon now in analytical Virgo and Merc direct… I have a newfound sense of clarity. It has...
99. LOST?
Am I really anywhere closer to fine than I was before? I am still floating into the black, without a grip on any ground with traction. Ideas are still forming, still in the nebulous reactionary phase. Can we manifest, can we create?
Say YES!
Dream it, believe it, be it.
The ground will come up to meet you soon. And there is still beauty in darkness, the stars shine brightest there.
9 tags
98. JEALOUSY
…hurts the stomach, gives such serious spiritual reflux! I want to ask, what is the root of this feeling, where does it come from? Why must I ever want to “possess”, can I just be happy for everyone and their endeavors? Wouldn’t that just up-level us all, afterall? Relationships are such a true mirror of oneself. They reveal shadows in your emotional picture. A dear friend of mine reminded me...
97. ANTICIPATION
Pulling towards a dream happiness in hope Fulfillment in faith Meaning in intention Deliberate creation! This is good.
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96. LITTLE
Situations so dire, so unfair, so desperate. I have seen this before, but the daily reality living in it. Knowing that I am seen as a savoir and at the same time a bitterly evil force. Life being so unequal and unfair to so many. I take this in, careful not to be overwhelmed. So many times I have wanted to shed tears at the tiny moments that can provide so much joy to a life. The simple act...
95. TIME
Heals Changes Survives Shifts & shapes Bends backwards Touching hazy pointillist pictures affected moments Teaches we learn To love ourselves In turn, each other With thicker skin, more conviction This time
94. ON FINDING IT
Sometimes the most “found” — or those who are in the process of looking for ‘it’ (myself included) — may be the most lost. Or, we can look at this the other way, being on the same spectrum — sometimes the most lost actually have found what they are looking for, having the answers right in their back pocket. The problem is the solution.….
4 tags
93. DIFFERENCE
A Sociocultural Anthropology degree at Columbia University emphasizes how differences in race, gender, class are manifested in different cultures socially. I’ve had a rather exceptional sociocultural anthropological experience the past couple of days. Being the only ‘mzungu’ surrounded by hundreds of children from the interior of Kenya’s central province — many had never seen a white person...
7 tags
92. DESTINY II: HARMONY
….On the other side here, a few days after being ravaged by an emotional storm, I am overwhelmed with a feeling of love and ease.
I have gone from a relatively lavish display of wealth (and snobbery!) to a place of poverty and austerity, where the living is arguably shocking and extremely simple. And yet, I feel so much harmony in my soul. I attribute this ease and well-being to...
7 tags
91. DESTINY I: DRAMA
I ran into a crazy twist of fate this week. In just a few moments, destiny was changed. The course of my life re-routed. One job, one house, one aesthetic, one community was instantly switched for another. I mentioned before how just a split-second can shift the world dramatically. But I was struck by two things during this fantastic upheaval, as energy came to a head: ****the sheer amount...
90. CONFIDENCE
May the Lord bless the shy, those whose journey it will be to quietly overcome, rising up to make great moments of magic. Its been boiling in thought bubbles for a few years now: in order to achieve notoriety or financial success as an artist, the creative individual *must* have fantastic emotional support. Every individual case of artistic “success” I can think of confirms this truth. And the...
89. MIS-SHAPES
The yoga mat I bought here in Kenya has imprinted, in a field of pink flowers, across the top: IN SHAPE IN CONTROL As a “functional” person, a volunteer, a voyager, a warrioress (and eahmmm, as an actress), I cannot be controlled by my emotions. That much we know, but its slightly easier said than done. However, here are some words of wisdom on this matter: “Holy is someone who controls what goes...
88. MASALA
Damn, son. Sometimes it gets hot. Blood boils. And an unexpected dynamitic shift/rift happens.
Currently we are coated in Masala sauce over here. I’m licking it (and my wounds) and contemplating where to tread next.
There are lots of people I want to help — and my heart and head are in the best place I can put them right now. But what do I do when I see people who can help...
3 tags
87. SPIRIT VOYAGE
Wars have been fought in the name of religion, atrocities unspeakable. But has spirituality ever really caused any damage? My recommendation? Set forth deeper into this spirit voyage, stat. I attended Baptist church this morning in Nairobi. A woman preached; she spoke of the woman’s role in marriage and how a woman should serve a man. Yes, she was conservative on the feminist spectrum, but she...
86. SLACK
Everything starts with a thought. And if, as when we meditate, we truly examine our thoughts… nothing can remain hidden, yeah? For when we choose to till our soul garden, cultivating the pure light within, we will come out of the shadows. And remember, it only takes one lighthouse to guide many ships through dangerous waters to safety. Never underestimate your power as an individual to influence,...
85. WORDS
It has been a life-long exercise of mine to be more aware of how I talk to others, how others talk amongst themselves.
Its also a great acting exercise: listen.
And I remind myself now, as always: please choose your words ever more thoughtfully.
My identity as a spiritual ambassador (since I have chosen to name myself as such) will only truly be realized if I remember that I am connected to the...
84. 4G+++
The global population is undergoing a major frequency change: a tide of displaced energy will soon sweep over us, changing the way we perceive, understand and interact for the remainder of our time on this spaceship. This energy swell is being built up by an information overload — which is causing unrelenting stress to our nervous systems — and the rapid rate at which our global...
83. COMPETITION
Who I am right now is not who I was three months ago. So it really doesn’t make any sense to try and quantify the two states together as if they were the same, does it? I do not have the same thoughts, arm circumference, athletic or artistic ability. AND THAT’S OKAY :)
82. HAPPY BATHDAY!
Happiness is relative, and is normalized across the human condition. This is the normalizing quotient I spoke of in entries #26, #73 is touched upon here.
But for a “few fleeting hours” today, my birthday, I was given a reflection of precisely everything I truly believe uplifts the human spirit, regardless of external or internal conditions/conditioning: Friends Community Tradition Ritual...
81. PLAN B
In filmmaking nothing ever goes entirely as planned. And in Kenya, nothing works… at least, not like I’m used to. Really. Lucky to take any sort of “real” shower, lucky if we have a light bulb. Mercury is in retrograde, the weather does suck. But alas, it could be worse, right?! (I am beginning to wonder if India is the same way, based upon the response — or lake thereof...
80. ALLAHU AKBAR
Please help me to move beyond the trappings of my mind.
Give me the courage to love, especially when I want to give up.
Grant me the strength to shine light into the shadows and darkness.
oh, and as we move into this time of self-reformation, spiritual cleansing, giving of ourselves, and enlightenment: Happy Ramadan!!
79. PLUGGED IN
On the flow… and excitement …finally It feels good to be inspired, plugged in, turned on. Even if my purpose is short term, even if my service feels like the tiniest drop in the ocean.
78. LOVE CIRCLE
You are love You were born from love If another does not recognize this, show them as much love as you can muster… only by loving completely what we loathe… will we heal the world I recognize that I love the love in myself… And share all the love I can give in this circle <3
nosh on that with my chai latte.
77. WORK
… YOU BETTER. This is definitely work, tending the soul garden. In the slum, life is real. The challenge for me is tangible — and honestly, almost laughable — because I realize the “work” exists mainly because I am adjusting, comparing the life I have always known to the life here. The drama in my perception pulled is intense. This departure from self-vanity has been,...
76. introversion
76? america, fuck yeah!
confidence . humility
sweetness . polished
recklessness . smile
loneliness . peace
‘how long have you been traveling? don’t you get so lonely?’ i was asked over green stir-fry this evening.
‘well… i’m used to lonely. so, honestly, i have to push people away half the time.’
death . compassion
bond . frosty
monkeys ....
75. DIS.EASE
“The great religions are the ships, poets the Life Boats. Every sane person I know has jumped overboard.” -Hafiz
Insanity. Issues. Cra-cra.
find ease in the dis of being an artist
For Kerouak, who was worth it?:
“The only people for me are the mad ones… the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the...
74. FABRIC
As people, regardless of inequalities — we are a majestically woven fabric, a rainbow of strings. Softness, warmth, love in this cloth. And if we get creative, we can adorn ourselves in it, fabricating intuition and magic! Now wouldn’t that be a fun costume party?! Understanding the weave, interconnectedness in this global age, begins with you having a conversation avec your inner child. ...
