spiritual warrioress

DOUBT + FEAR =

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 23:40:25 -0700

flirtation with darkness….

taking my own advice

feeding flimsy wishes, dreaming next to demons

woah, is this [am i] “one of those people”?

soy cheeze

J O Bs

too comfortable to leave, too uncomfortable to soar

impatient for the edge of this cliff to tell me its time to jump

still yearning for traction, flow.

beauty in the smallest of moments….

crisp petals and stretchy cotton

a constipated kind of day

loving the small moments

watching in glass prisms, listening in hushed vortexes

wanting

India

drawn to women, distasting men

thanks to noise pollution

I woke up today

I have become a healer somehow.

Sutras for NOW

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 15:29:49 -0700

Sutras for THESE TIMES:

1. There is a Way Through Every Block

2. Understand Through Compassion or You will Misunderstand the Times

3. When the Time is on You, Start, and the Pressure will be Off

4. Vibrate the Cosmos, the Cosmos shall clear the path

5. Recognize the Other Person is You

…The neuroses, the craziness, the disrespect, the “karma clearing”, the misunderstanding,the miscommunication, the fear, the anguish, the hate…

All dissipate once tuned in to the higher frequency of being, of the One Universal Creative Energy. This is why I am so obsessed with ancient wisdom of energetic sound current, this is why I am so obsessed with meditating, this is why I am so obsessed with shifting perspective.

I can count my blessings, but am not attached. I can visualize, dream, and escape, but all I know is now. How to train the mind monkey, how to hone the force? Ultimately it comes down to GIVING, LOVING, PLUGGING IN TO HIGHER PURPOSE. That is it. That is the way, that is the embodiment living manifestation of Generator Organizer Destroyer that we have come here to BE.

half-hatched.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 23:35:00 -0700

a play of love vs. institutions

“oh, I’ve lost my head”… I’m not sure it was ever fully around here to begin with :-)

it comes down to a funny science, this thing called relationships. I have put myself into a strange incubator: 1000 days of complete sobriety, celibacy, and re-programming of mental patterning. there was a long free-fall at the beginning of this experiment, but a fairly strong thud on a new false bottom has been perplexing me for the past several months.

“the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”

those first scripts are ultimately the most powerful, those words voices ideas that are implanted from before we even get detached from the umbilical. they re-verb pretty strong into this unfolding.

here’s the thing: it really all comes down to questioning character. I have realized that every parting of ways with significant others of my past has involved the questioning of character. this goes beyond doubts, it is a crystallization of all the garbage in your persona that love unsuccessfully veils. In other words, their ain’t enough love within you to ameliorate the non-love and it all gets hurled at the other, the objectified.

I think one can arrive at a platform of such *clarity* that entrance into such a spin does not even occur. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: any two beings can come to find love with each other on many levels (arranged marriage, anyone?). yet if you’re looking for a permanence in significant other-dom, it *truly* comes down to all the structures — both within and without — in place to be supportive of this ‘institution’, this ‘construction’, this ‘unit’.

judgement: enlightenment suggests a move beyond judgement, for it ultimately does not matter. the truth will always play out. I may be getting opinionated here, but I think judgement is a mental program that has a lot to do with fear. truly. I have been told more than a few times in the last month, “I apologize, I judged you wrong. You have far *more* character than I first thought.” um, cool? I guess? Is there a place in this world for those of “hated” genetics to safely play? why do people get so jealous, so fear-ful, so JUDGEMENTAL? the other person is you, my friend. I am you. You are me. We are one. We are God. know it and remember it. <3

Hollywood

I have a million guardian angels, I bless them daily for watching over me. or, I thank my lack of fear for projecting safety and openness for even the bleakest of places I wander.

here is my prayer for this loud, wonky, racing Hollywood evening:

bless my projection, may it take me into new territories of peace, love, and serving the world to my highest possible potential.

bless all projections, may all these restless souls find peace in their adventuring

bless my teachers, may they all continue to merge with divinity along their paths

bless you, for you are sharing this moment with me. <3

stepping back

Sun, 13 May 2012 21:58:48 -0700

to assess the terrain on which you stand

to see what the alternatives might have been

to gain perspective on how far you’ve come

to trust the divine flow that’s simply waiting for you to dive in

to know the love that always surrounds you

comprehension

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 19:08:00 -0700

in the face of my karmic buildup and the heap of its teardown, i have been so far into my right brain. sooo sensitive am i. i am. re-arranging, cleaning, re-meming. i actually did that? that was me?? i am WHERE right now??? i went to the beach, you asked me if it was ‘great’ or ‘windy’ or ‘fun’… there was mounds of seaweed sand, surround-sound bird calls, auric sun glares, a fine salty dust, the one-pulse voice of the ocean all at once… a shoulder shrug, attempting to make sense of a jumble of feedback from healing and understanding. standing. in the present. tall, strong, and remembering all my brothers and sisters the galaxies of galaxies over.

identity crisis, i thought saturn returned?

i miss my cat, and am launching into super-girl levels of body-temple fitness. why not? what else is there? i gotta live with her. and we’re oh-too-ready ready to jump on board…. just waiting for the train. which, of course, has already arrived and left the station.

lessons:

*the future has already affected the past. so why not just, relax into now?

*reflections aboud, fearlessness deconstructs the visions and memes of what was reality

*having someone to love makes this journey a helluva lot less rickity. it turns it into a cushiony, peach, swirling glowy flight. however….

…the soulmate is you. this is the love of your life and she must live soul-y for her. so, go ahead, take flight. you’re beautiful. its about time your soulmate told you so.

*love in service to strangers and the rest of the universe’s rigid worries dissolve into warm water.

*perfection is now, this. moment. this energy sphere of light

*acceptance is like a giant keyring to open all the right doors

*let the butterflies come to you. let them. they flutter softly.

*dying embers actually smell sweet

*download the universal creative current and you will see all, infinity to zero to ONE

thoughtless

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 21:21:52 -0700

where there could be much to be ‘desired’ or much to ‘love’….

here it’s unattached, science experiments in perception and gravitation

the power of projection is HUGE — place a piece on the board, tell it where to move, and exhale whilst the adventure begins

fragmented Generator Organizer Destroyer coming together in one delicious salad…

recognizing my presence is merely to generate love, beauty, bliss and infuse divinity

me: the idealist, the teacher, the fearless giver

you: inspire me in this infinite beauty

renewed to be new

it has already happened.

star

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 08:16:00 -0800

resist

desist

discipline

longing

fading

surrender

because ultimately you have no choice,

it all comes down to one infinite point:

and is no longer in your hands

wings

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:59:00 -0800

sometimes a quantum leap isn’t exactly the transcendent experience you would have dreamed of.

it hurts — it recoils back into frailty, consequence, blame, shakti pad —

then quietly breaks earth into a beautiful seedling of light.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU

for making my life interesting. for giving me endless fuel to no longer hurt myself, endless fuel for finding an endless fountain divinity and grace

these are my great, white wings sprouting. this is my clarity. this is my infinity. let us expand and take flight, over all these blessed souls.

transformation is possible, transformation is here. we are the visionaries, we are the creators, we are the manifestors.

My job is to make you smile. And to hopefully schmear a bit of light around you in the process. I’m working damn hard at it over here — let the world re-verb with this sparkle <3

MANIFEST.

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:21:59 -0800

okay — this is by far the most overused word in the Visionary community, in the Yoga community, in the, oh, Los Angeles community.

I’m starting to cover my ears to keep from hearing it all over the place :)

aho! there is a reason its being uttered with such frequency. And yes, FREQUENCY is key here…. everything is manifesting, and manifestable, at the tips of our fingers — because of the frequency that everything is vibrating right now.

I was going back through my little journal started around the time this here very tumblr was started, last May. Flipping through the pages I started to notice the scariest thing: all my notes, dreams, desires, what I wished to manifest — HAVE ALL COME INTO REALITY or ARE COMING INTO REALITY. This is the sign of the times.

I’m serious.

*get your egoic and subconscious self out of the way through discipline and devotion,

*bless all the angels who have made your past path a living hell, THEN:

*dream it,

*put it into writing,

*envision it with your imagination and third eye,

*feel the dream aglow in your heart,

and finally just… receive. The blessings are raining down right now, raining down on all of us, us rainbow light beings.

This is powerful magic, it is simply harnessing the times. We’re on fire.

love love love love love

breaking

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:50:00 -0800

I know several of my good friends are in crisis point right now. I haven’t been super-close to them in the past coupla weeks due to my own busy-ness, business…. but I feel the edges of the have canopy have really drooped. The chain is broken. I sense the crisis, and it hurts in me too. Cosmic letdown, a clear example of the oneness of all of this: it cannot be forgotten that all is one and one is all. And I am guilty for basking in my own self-pity, too.

Here is what I ask humbly, and demand strongly: to your own capacity — be noble, be courageous, be a person of your word. The end.

Be those three, best you can be. Are you letting fear and anger seep in? Then you’re not yet completely fighting courageously. Are you honoring, revering, fully loving YOU — or are you doubting, pushing, seeing flaws and problems? Tell me which is being noble. And if you say you’re gonna do something…. do it. Or, be very much in communication with all those involved so they understand the situation. Be honest and open. Otherwise you are creating a trail of yuck — anger, pain, confusion and lots of nastiness that someone is gonna have to clean up.

And if you “can’t” BE these…. stop saying that c-word. I’m serious. It shouldn’t be in our vocabulary. Yes, yes we CAN. We can stop breaking things. Stop breaking hearts, stop breaking promises, stop breaking flow. You can — for the rest of the world, even if not your own little shrunken aura. You are affecting so, so many in infinite ways — seen and unseen, physical and etheric.

We’re counting on you. You’re counting on you. I’m gonna go brush my teeth and get this hotwheels racer rolling.

PURITY <--> PERWAVA

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:44:00 -0800

Sixth chakra <—> truth

projection, progression and…

grace, strength

we have so many things here in America, California, Los Angeles — that are perversions: distortions, disorder, deviations from taking something, anything that was once in a form God-given purity. Inverted, stretched, turned inside-out.

but in that we find the beauty, understand the folly, find places to play

so here’s the real upside: we’ve plunged into the darkness, f*cked up our chemistries, misunderstood our own divinity — so that we can KNOW these boundaries. Right? Why else? How else can we view this… this pervasive misery, flailing, longing? there is so much loneliness, itchiness, dis-ease, paranoia, compulsion…. I see it around me every day.

For a while now I have been drawing lines in my coloring book. Its time to fill it all in with the rainbow of shining colors that I AM.

Its not too late, this soul is infinite. Just have to realize where we’ve been in this time-space capsule to understand the movement into a new swirl of beauty, reverence, projection. Creating a projected energy structure around each and every one of us — perwava.

And here I speak of healing. Healing myself and healing this particular kaleidoscope of the galaxy one teeny piece at a time. Loving all, touching all with love.

Project it from the third eye, project it and breathe into it.

We are so powerful, so much more powerful than we could ever imagine

Satnam ji! I just came across your blog and couldn't help but gently smile at your "coming out" entries. I've got to praise your courage and honesty - both to yourself and others. All I can say is that you've got all that you need. "Follow your bliss" is so correct!! You're meditating, it's opening your heart, your love is resonating with the Guru, just keep up. Be so loving that it flows out of your being. This loving energy will convince family & friends where words may fail. Sat nam.

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 21:55:30 -0800

Sat Naam Ji! Thank you infinitely for your kind and beautiful words. The battles I have been facing with my family, extended family, and old friends have increased in frequency and difficulty these last couple of weeks… but I am finding all this power and ability to stand, as never before, “strong as steel and steady as stone” in love… a love that is actually deepening understanding in these relationships and healing so, so many past wounds with them that perhaps otherwise would never be addressed. Lovely, huh? WaheGuru! And many, many blessings to you, Ji <3

on birth, into a new realm

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:31:00 -0800

If allowed to penetrate the cultural consciousness, I’d venture to say the global energy is getting crazier and crazier. News is turning into drama beyond any Hollywood fabrication. Here in Hollywood fabrications are continuing to turn into meditations on darkness and the most extreme lack of consciousness. But then in the moment of deepest darkness emerges the most beautiful thing… awareness. Awareness that things are not sustainable as programmed, that the ground has broken and the earth is shifting.

Awareness. On a whole new scope, bringing many souls to a whole new level. Its just the tip of this infinite, galactically sparkling iceberg.

And I’ve dipped my toe into that cosmic lake of awareness again. I was “re-birthed” last Friday… in a meditation that at first I had difficulty with.

Let me explain… Kundalini yoga is a really ridiculously powerful magic tool for moving energy. I at first was not sure I really wanted all that unearthing of some really dark places in my subconscious on Friday… it initially felt like a scab that was ripped off and left bleeding for awhile with a band-aid then slap-dashed back over it. I walked home raw, unsure, itchy. It isn’t rocket science, I thought, that if you go back into all those past traumas again its gonna suck, its gonna evoke those super-difficult emotional responses. I’ve been there before, so many fricken’ (yes I said fricken’) times. Haven’t I already dealt with all that sh!t? Why am I bothering with this insanity?? And for a good 48 hours after my ‘experience’ I was in a bit of a tailspin, questioning everything and experiencing a sort of Mars-meets-Saturn-on-top-of-the-Sun war in my own soul’s experience of reality. I fell into a self-experiment with old patterns of thinking, being, & projecting bubbling up, stinking up my pretty little test-kitchen over here…. and I felt, smelled, vibed oh-so-icky. Like all the junk of ancient mental sinus-infections was clogging all experiential passages and turning too many tissues into a piece of modern art.

and I was upsetting the vibrations amongst all with whom I am most connected. The net was shaken, some of its corners untied and left to dangle in a state of wobbly unbalance. Of the unbearably-scary, fear-uncertainty, corpses-unearthed kind.

but what I then slowly realized was that this was my way of scrubbing the deep abcesses of that fabu subconscious. Cleaning, purifying, making way for a new construction…. scrubbing, scrubbing, leaving the fumes and the tiny bits of dust and cleaning fluid to still be washed away…. which was what all those ancient patterns of mine were desperately trying to dig their fingernails into as they were rapidly flying back out into the ethers.

Because here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter how much accepting, re-living, analzying, forgiving, reconciling, making-peace-with, re-programming you do on a CONSCIOUS level (and believe me, I’ve done a whole lotta that these last 11 years)…

even going into a hypnotic state, a right-brain state, a half-sleep state, whatever — you still have all the subconscious, residual parasympathetic nervous system stuff to deal with… that also must first be recognized, accepted, processed, forgived, reconciled, made-peace-with…

to THEN be re-programmed again on that harder-to-reach and definitely not-conscious SUBCONSCIOUS level.

Woah.

so, here I am, Warrioress, doing what I initially came here to do, and doing it best: slaying another demon, upleveling, untethering, clearing, expanding into a new realm of ‘enlightenment’. With grace. With….

….the beautiful power of the soundcurrent, the company of my fellow warriors, floating sturdily amidst this storm with the anchors I have worked so hard to put down here… I am then easily reminded that I am surrounded by love and have the most amazing life that I have created for myself.

And on a spiritual path these stumbles, trips are absolutely necessary. Its the scrape on the pavement that become the reality check, the sound-check — to see what, who, and where you are vibrating, resonating, putting those feelers out — in order to take that glorious next step. Because, as I’m learning, you can go really far into this stuff in the name of fear, anxiety and all that you were initially turning from… which only does one thing: leads you right back into the cesspool of darkness. I choose not to, I choose to face the monstrous wall head-on and see if there’s a way to defy quantum phsyics and actually walk through it.

My days have continued to be a walking meditation on moving through, ever touching anand.

ecstatic bliss here and now, from lack of consciousness into consciousness <3

lightening

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:07:42 -0800

everything really is moving quite quickly now… and the leaps are ours for the taking, with only a wee bit of intention, focus, projection and love.

compassion

humility

are to be worked on every step of the way.

it may not be as bad as you think… and keeping a mantra of high vibration in your head can push you through any and all obstacles.

remembering that this is all maya… and all guru’s play…. we only have to sit and breath to receive the footing for each next step.

I realize I am repeating myself. I am exhausted (in a good way) from following my projections — and meditating on the name of Truth.

I am explaining things, babystep-wise, in this spiritual career of mine to my family…. and pointing out the sallow consciousness prevailing here now — only so that we can all move towards staying in the territory of light. From downtrodden teens to over-inflated vanity costumes (oh, did I not say Nordstrom?) to culturo-psycho-somatic ailments…. we are all so connected, all one organism, all one pulse — so why not make somebody feel good, today? yeah?

WaheGuru

divine feminine

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 08:01:00 -0800

I have been thinking a lot about this, about the balance between the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine.

In our culture we are not taught about how to appropriately go about finding the true essence of these two energies. And especially not in the Media industry, where the image of a woman is essentially a state of pornography and where we do not (yet) have a clear channel for communicating the deeper, more personal Divine aspects of every woman (and this indeed may simply be a private thing that only occurs with the personal union of a man and a woman, that shared energy of a partnership).

Look, I am tolerant of so many different kinds of relationships, so many different iterations and manifestations. But I do truly believe in the singular male-female union, and the union of those divine energies within each of ourselves and then in that third created entity, the relationship. But here’s the thing: men need to know how to be men — stable, providing, strong within themselves and without to the outer world. And women need to know how to be women — protecting, caring, aware of their ebbs and flows and of those in the outer world. They are certainly two separate energies to be balanced and understood — and that happens when the union is easy, and all the subtleties can be worked out.

I would like to continue working on my relationship to the Divine Masculine, in particularly in finding the balance in my soul and then becoming adept at seeing it with clarity and in practice here on this spaceship.

Ever in search of a more authentic, true manifestation of love <3

Warrioress

the rose

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 07:37:00 -0800

smells of all wondrously pleasing

is velvetly soft

and unfolds its gloriously pigmented petals

to the patient honeybee

being

on avoiding

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:37:00 -0800

just… don’t.

don’t make any rash move either.

go for it, go for it all. builds confidence, builds character.

and a victory for now is not giving into the past is not undermining the present or destroying any future.

let’s all love ourselves… the more we can do this, the more we can all 1up.

and remember… everything that happens, all of it, every single breath every single touch every single keystroke… its all an act of the Universe, so — its all A-OK.

restraint.... vs. flow

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 21:56:00 -0800

and where do they swizzle to overlap?

finding a balance… keeping centered while walking along the blade-edge of a double sword….

spirit before form, truth before action — its the genesis and what’s inside that count.

There are parts of the dharma that are impossible for me to follow right now in my career and life but I will admit, it feels pretty great to have a prescription to subscribe to, a clear (differentiated) path to follow, the blessing of knowing one’s natural essence.

but then the deeper I go… I find all the trappings of complete restraint and sacrifice that begin to limit. I am attracted to the idea of the SAINT, but I think in life we have to find the tight-rope dance as SAINT-SOLDIERS to truly make a difference. Most of us want to be householders, have business in honest work, enjoy the wonders of living in this world. And to do all that you can’t be meditating in a cave all the time… instead you must relate to the rest of the world at large.

So, I say, don’t kill yrself with restraint in the name of self-betterment. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing….

flow with acceptability and find the most comfortable footing….. Ahhh.

WHAT?!

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 20:30:00 -0800

I received so many blessings today… from a stranger buying me an expensive yogi tea to a dear one taking care of my beloved gardening endeavors to compadres giving me more brilliant advice and wisdom than I can even fathom right now… I am overflowing with gratitude and can’t believe the abundant love that is surrounding me…

I feel it amongst my friends, who are healing, growing, expanding with lightening speed — its like quantum leaps all around.

Where is all this awesome coming from? We are on the super conveyor-belt into infinity in this auspicious time… and I am just so, so blessed.

I cannot wait to share this with my charitable endeavors. WAHEGURU!

So much love and light beaming at YOU ALL !!!

within

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:38:55 -0800

like a seed, powerfully about to burst forth into an entire life cycle…

lie all the answers

all the power

all the glory

forever, and ever.

So much beauty, so much bliss, so much wonder lies here. I thank the charismatic few, I thank the masses.

Do the work, it shall come back to reward you. Follow your joy, it shall come back to make you cozy again and again.

Blessings to the community, blessings to those I have yet to encounter this lifetime, blessings to those who have dirtied my path — you are the most blessed of all.

Shine forth, guardian star — shine with golden blue white light bursts unto infinity — I am connecting with you and all the awesomeness that lies ahead.

HAPPY NEW YEAR